Context: written sometime after Frozen II, perhaps a few months post-epilogue, long enough for Elsa to start settling into life in the Enchanted Forest.
Dear Mama and Papa,
It’s raining outside and it is delightfully mesmerizing. I’m watching the water droplets fall from the sky. Part of me wants to reach out with my magic and gently freeze some midair. And yet, that would disrupt the perfect beauty. The sound of the water coming through the leaves in the trees is both constant and inconsistent. Perfect nonconformity.
Tomorrow night, the Northuldra are having a ceremony, an annual ritual. I’m sitting here looking out the window wondering…do I go or stay here?
I’m glad I chose to settle in the Enchanted Forest. It’s beautiful here. I love being so close to Ahtohallan and the Spirits. And with Nokk, I can make the journey back to Arendelle with speed.
I feel a connection with both of these peoples and yet as though I belong in neither.
After abdicating, I am no longer Queen of Arendelle. I was a decent queen, I guess, but nothing like Anna. She is a queen of the people. They love and know her in ways I never wanted. Thinking of you Papa, I know it was often difficult. And yet, it seemed to fit you. For me, it just never felt right. I never chose the role of queen. After a traumatic childhood, I was faced with ruling a kingdom and it was really hard.
With the Northuldra, they welcomed me with open arms. I am a blood descendant afterall. Yet, I didn’t grow up with these traditions or ways of life. I feel connected through you, mother, but I also feel like an imposter here.
I am invited to partake in meals and traditions. Sometimes I feel like I’m connecting with my past and other times I feel like I’m invading. Even though we’re side by side, I wonder what they’re thinking about me. Are they, too, wondering if I don’t belong?
I miss you both. You had each other. I still do have Anna; it’s just not the same now that I don’t live in the castle. And despite everything, I do not regret my choice to move to the Forest. There’s a part of me that feels alive here in ways I never felt before.
In the end, I’m not entirely Arendellian nor Northuldra. And on days like today, the loneliness and isolation seems to creep in like a morning fog, threatening my ability to see ahead.
Even after all of these years, writing to you brings me comfort. I’m reminded that sometimes we don’t know how things will work out or why things are the way they are. And that’s when Anna comes to mind: just do the next right thing.
For me, right now, the next right thing is to continue sitting here, listening to the rain. I’ve been learning that sometimes, the best thing I can do for myself is to sit with my feelings and just be.
I love you,
Elsa